Transkript (en)

Tootski? No, no thank you though. No, no, thank you, though. What can I bring for you on this glorious afternoon? Well, Hector, here's the game plan. You're gonna bring us two absolute martinis. You know how I like them, straight up. And then precisely seven and one half minutes after that, you're gonna bring us two more. Then two more after that every five minutes until one of us passes the fuck out. Excellent strategy, sir. I'm good with water for now, though. Thank you. It's his first day on Wall Street. Give him time. Thank you. Thank you. Mr. Hanna, you were able to do drugs during the day and still function, still do your job? Well, how the fuck else would you do this job? Cocaine and hookers, my friend. Right. I gotta say, I'm incredibly excited to be a part of your firm. I mean, the clients you have are absolutely... Fuck the clients. Your only responsibility is to put meat on the table You got a girlfriend I married I have a wife Her name Theresa She cuts hair Congratulations Thank you. Think about Theresa. Name of the game? Move the money from your client's pocket into your pocket. Right. But if you can make a client's money at the same time, it's advantageous to everyone, correct? No. Number one rule of Wall Street. I don't care if you're Warren Buffett or if you're Jimmy Buffett, nobody knows. If a stock is going to go up, down, sideways, or in fucking circles. At least of all stockbrokers. It's all a fugazi. You know what a fugazi is? No. Fugazi. It's a fake. Yeah, fugazi, fugazi. It's a wazi, it's a woozy, it's a fairy dust. It doesn't exist. It's never landed. It is no matter. It's not on the elemental chart. It's not fucking real. Right. All right. Right. Stay with me. Mm-hmm. We don't create shit. We don't build anything. So if you've got a client who bought stock at eight and it now sits at 16, and he's all fucking happy, he wants to cash in, liquidate, take his fucking money and run home, you don't let him do that. Because that would make it real. Now, what do you do? You get another brilliant idea. A special idea. Another situation. Another stock to reinvest his earnings and then some. And he will every single time, because they're fucking addicted. And then he just keeps doing this again and again and again Meanwhile he thinks he getting shit rich which he is on paper But you and me the brokers we taking home cold hard cash via commission motherfucker Right. That's incredible, sir. Can't tell you how excited I am. You should be. There's two keys to success in the broker business. First of all, you gotta stay relaxed. Yeah. You jerk off? Do I jerk off? Yeah. Yeah, I jerk off, yeah. How many times a week? Like, um, three or four times, maybe. I'll pump those numbers up. Those are rookie numbers in this racket. I myself, I jerk off at least twice a day. Wow. Once in the morning, right after I work out, and then once right after lunch. Really? Mm-hmm. Okay? I want to, but that's not why I do it. I do it because I fucking need to. Think about it. You're dealing with numbers all day long. Decimal points, high frequencies, bang, bang, bang. Fucking digits. All very acidic, above-the-shoulders mustard shit. It kind of can wake some people out. You got to feed the geese to keep the blood flowing. Keep the rhythm below the belt. Done. This is not a tip. This is a prescription. Trust me. If you don't, you will fall out of balance. Split your differential and tip the fuck over Or worse yet I seen this happen implode No I don want to implode sir No no you don I in it for the long run you know Yeah implosions are ugly Yeah Pop off to the bathroom, work one at any time you can, and when you get really good at it, you'll fucking be stroking it and you'll be thinking about money. Second key to success in this racket is this little baby right here. It's called cocaine. Right. It will keep you sharp between the ears. It'll also help your fingers die all faster. And guess what? That's good for me. Yes, sir. Revolutions. You follow? Revolutions. Keep the clients on the Ferris wheel. And it goes. The park is open 24-7, 365. Every decade, every goddamn century. That's it. Name of the game. How kidiki? Hmm. Thank you. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Come on. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. We're the common denominator. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Oh! Mm-hmm. Oh! Oh! Mm-hmm. Keep it up on me. The CEO. Oh! And the money comes in. The parade comes to town. Going down Broadway is a one-way street.